


humble beginnjngs in denk maymays

by ehhhchimatsu



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Gen, Humor, Satire, dank maymays, new team!, team robots!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-31
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 12:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3650142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ehhhchimatsu/pseuds/ehhhchimatsu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the red and blu engies turn into rogue not homo team robot engies</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

One dry, sunny day in Tüforte (a/n: haha get it, I made the map into a foreign sounding totally cool name, NO stealign!!), the red and blu engineers got fed up with just about everybody...... except eachother (a/n: no, they are NOT honosexuals!!!!).

So red engie called up the blu one from the red base's only phone and had to wait for the other engineer to pick up. 

The blu engineer was fiddling with some doohickeys and washers and screws and nuts and stuff (a/n: not those kind of nuts, tho, you PERVRET. engineer is strictly not homosexual omg). When he heard the phone he about jumped out of his jimmies but he managed to pick up the phone on the last ring.

"H-h-hullo.......?" The blu engineer muttered southernlh after a moment. 

"Pardner," the red engie began, "I am darn tootin' sick of all these yeller belly dang diddly flobber gobber wingbats. We need'ta make our own team. Whaddya say, hoss?"

The blu engi thought for a moment before replyimg, "but-but-but....... I only solve PRACTICAL problems!"

The red enginer scoffed at that, running his hand over the goggles, which he later realized was a stupid thing to do bc they were all smudged and greasy then from all the southern greasy af chicken he eats. Most people only eat half a bucket of KFC per day. Red engineer, who eats twelve buckets of KFC a day, is a statistical error adn should not be counted. (a/n: that's my favlrite maymay evar!!!!!!! don't hate!!) 

"Pardner," the red engie began, "We need'ta make our own team. And yer gon' help me. Meet me tomorrow mornin' at the bridge. Comprendo?"

The blu engieneer gulped nervously, his ginormous adam apple bobbing like it was it was a Halloween party and it was bobbing for apples, which is a common Halloween party game that is often played in the united states. The more you know. 

"Alright," he finally muttered, "Can do, buckaroo. I'll bring the chicklens."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is my forst tf2 fic so no flamers!!!!! ch. 2 will be up soon!!!


	2. fried chiclen maymays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the red and blu engies turn into rogue not homo team robot engies

Just oh so luckily, the next day was a ceasefire day. Nice.

So bright and early in the morn', the red eggineer got out of bed and called up KFC (he had the five nearest ones closest to Teüforte on speed dial) and oredered up some fried chicken. And by some I mean four fucking buckets of it. Mm mm good (a/n: im a vegetarian so ewwwwww!! but whatevs). The blu engei had said he'd bring the chicekn to their meetup but the red enginneer didn't want to wait until then to eat bc that'd require restraint and when it came to chiclen he had NONE!!!

So thirty one minutes later the chicken guy showed up with just a wheelbarrow full of four buckets of fried chicken and since he was one minute late red engie got it all fREE. But since he was such a southerly gentlemanly man he gave the poor guy a few nickels and told him to spend it wisely (bc engineer is v v wise and he solves practical problems).

So after rhe chicken guy left engineer opened his mouth and just fuckin suctioned in all the chicken like a black hole. He happily patted his large, happy stomach and hummed a happy country tune of a song about tractors and women. bOY was he a heterosexual. Nice.

He decided then that it would be a good idea to get out of his jammie jams (which had kawaii wrenches and hammers on them) and into something more appropriate for the v important day ahead of him.

So, getting undressed v heterosexually (a/n: oOH LA LA what a v nice hetero specimanly man), he slipped into something more appropriate for the v important day ahead of him.

After getting dressed, the red engie went to go look in his full body mirror.

He was wearing midnight black goggles that wrapped snuggly around his head. His shirt, a red plaid button up with pitch black stripes going across it. The overalls he wore were American Eagle cornflower blue, and brought out his ocean blue eyes that were hidden behind midnight black goggles that wrapped snuggly around his head. His pants, hidden by his overalls, were Aeropostle ones, the same color as his pupils. Nice. And his shoes were $79.99 wood brown work boots he'd gotten off of Amazon (which he'd gotten for a deal bc at The Shoe Store they were even more expensive!!) Nice.

All in all, the red engineer liked to think he dressed simple (aka the epitome of fried chicken cool).

He was cooler than a cucumber starring in a nicki minaj music video. 

Anyway, about an hour later he decided to get his shit together and decided that it was time to go meet the other eggneer at the bridge. 

The sun was bright af and high in the blazing sky by the time he fjnally got his shit tofether. 

"I-I-I solve PRACTICAL problems...!" The blu enginer greeted nervously as the red one strolled happily up. 

"Hooowdy there, to you, too, parrrdner" The red enginnee replied Texanly and politely like. Wow. What a gentlman. Wow.

Looking at the blu engineer heterosexualy, the red eggnie could see that he had grease stains around his mouth. "Hoped you saved some chiklen for me, buckaneer." He giggled, like the sugoily kawaii mother hubber he is. 

"O-of course," the other engine managed to reply, pulling out a measly bucket of chicken from behind his back. 

Baffled by the tiny amount of fried chiclen, the red enginer said, "what the diddly darn fuck. This chicken here ain't enough for the two a' us."

"That's ehy there's also some fried wrenches jn there," the blue eggned replied. It's fried wrenches bc they're enginerrs and that's all they fucking eat just chicken and grits and wrenches they know no other fuckign food source they haven't eaten a proper meal in twnety five years. 

"Oh okay," the red Eggen replied. "Sounds good to me."

After they were done vacuuming up the chicken and wrenches, they sat down in the middle of the bridge and finally decided to discuss their new team that they decided to make. 

"How 'bout we be the yeller team?" The blu enginer suggested. 

"That's a stupid fuckign idea u bumpkin" the red egg retorted. "How 'bout the ROBOT team?" The red egnieer suggested. 

"Ooooooooh I like that idea an awful lot! It makes sense since we both have eleven Ph.Ds in sciencw and the fact that we both solve PRACTICAL problems!" 

"Yep," the red enfiener replied. "It'll be the dankiest shit to ever dank, yessireebob." He paused a second. "Which reminds me!" He looked at his watch, squimting his eyes at the tiny digits. "BLAZE IT," he said upon seeing the monumental 4:20. Suddenly, badly animated gifs of weed and snoopdogg made an appearance behind the merc, and for a solid minute he felt like the foxy grandpa he truly was. It was magical.

"Woah" the blu engi simply said, amazed at the fact that he'd never be quite as danktastic as his counterpart (a/n: or will he???? ;))) XD)

When 4:21 hit everything immediately went back to the normal, dankless world. 

"So," the red enfjneer piped up, "Want to meet back here at sundown, hoss? Don't want none a' them bein' suspicious as to our whereabouts or superfluous plan." 

The blu edggnejer nodded, "Sure, pardner, sounds fine ta me." 

And so, shaking hands v heterosexually, they turned around and went back to their respective bases, excited for what the night would bring them (a/n: eww no they're not going to do the sex!! get ur minds out of the gutter, you yaoi fangkrlss!).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thnx to anyone that reads omg!!! as always tho, NO FLMAERS!


End file.
